My Cinco de Mayo

Perhaps I should start this LONG blog somewhere around the end of May 4th. Laying in bed that night I of course had a million thoughts running through my head. I kept telling myself that I HAD to get some sleep, but it was much easier said than done.

The Night Before:

As I mentioned earlier, I was scared of delivery. Thinking about everything that was ahead of us the next day I started to get nervous. I had no idea what to expect in terms of delivery and no matter how excited I was to finally see him, I was scared. Really scared. I will be completely honest and tell you that I sat in bed and cried (not just cried, but big old baby tears); telling Ryan "I can't do this! I don't want to do this anymore!". I was not afraid of having a child, but of delivering a child. Being the logical person he is, Ryan reminded me that he has to come out SOME how at this point. Needless to say I was awake on and off all night and into the morning.

The Waiting Game:

We were expecting a call somewhere between 4am and 8am. We both slept until about 6am with the phone by our side. At that time we woke up and showered trying to make the morning as "routine" as we could. By 8 o'clock we had gotten a couple of calls from the family and friends asking for updates and we told them what we knew: nothing. At 8 o'clock, Ryan asked me if we thought we should call the doctor's office. I thought they had told me to wait to call their office until 9 o'clock and I was right, even at 8:20 the office was still closed so the waiting continued. Around 8:30 though we got a phone call from my doctor's office apologizing that they hadn't called yet but there were no open beds for patients being induced. I guess they need to keep so many available for mothers going into labor naturally and those with emergencies. Talk about disappointing!

I instantly thought they'd try to reschedule for the next day, but was surprised to find out that my doctor (Dr. Larkin) was working some insanely long shift (she told Ryan exactly how many hours and I was amazed) and would be there through the night and into tomorrow morning and so they would bring me in as soon as they had a bed available. They estimated that it'd be early afternoon sometime and that I should try to be as available as possible when they call. They also let me know that other than 2 women who were being induced for medical reasons, I was their first 'normal' induction on the list (sorry to any women out there who thought they'd get their Cinco de Mayo baby and were put on hold!) which was exciting that I wasn't just waiting to get through some long list of women for my chance.

Being that sitting around the house all morning seemed to be an impossible feat considering what was ahead of us we decided we'd try to run a few errands and get some breakfast at Bob Evan's. Since we were expecting to be delivering a child though, we didn't have any pressing things to do. I probably 'shouldn't' have been eating, but we didn't know when I was going in, which also meant we didn't know when I'd be able to eat again. As we finished paying and got in the car my phone rang and it was CCHS (the hospital) letting us know that there was a bed available and they'd like me there as soon as possible! EeK!

I remember the way they brought it up was like "do you think you can make it here in 15 minutes?" Almost like they expected us to be out of town or something. OF COURSE WE CAN MAKE IT THERE IN 15 MINUTES!

We ran home, grabbed the last of our stuff that wasn't already in the car and were on our way. My heart was beating about a million miles a minute and we were both beaming from ear to ear that it was finally here. We of course called our families as we were approaching the hospital and gave them all a heads up that I was going in and should have the baby by the end of the day or early the next morning! I really wanted the actual birth to be all about Ryan and I, so we didn't call our families until we got to the hospital, so we could check in without an entourage.

Let's Get Things Going:

Walking into the hospital around 10:45-11:00ish (?) I was still nervous, but also much more excited that SOMETHING was finally happening! I expected the check in process to be mind numbing and long, but it only took a couple of minutes until we were being sent up to the LND floor! We got into our room and the nurse was there waiting for us to get started.

After stripping down, they hooked me up to about a million different machines (my IV, blood pressure, fetal monitor, contraction monitor) and my doctor came in a few moments later to check me out. As I mentioned previously I was already dilated (4cm) and effaced (75%) so she went right on in and broke my water to get things going; what a weird and awkward feeling that was - not at all painful though, just weird. I remember when I was pregnant being afraid it would break and it would be painful - it wasn't - at all. It was so strange how much my stomach shrunk down just from releasing the fluids. Almost instantly after breaking my water there were minor little contractions coming every few minutes, but nothing I couldn't handle. Up until this point, I hadn't experienced any contractions, so it was interesting and new to (again) finally be progressing.

I had told the nurse before that I didn't want the Epidural until I felt I needed it, so I just sat there and took what came. None of it was too terrible (at first I could only feel my stomach tightening - no actual pain). After a little while it got to the point where I needed to relieve the pain a little by clenching my fist or focusing on something else, and knew that before long the pain would really be coming. I had never really had any traumatizing/painful experience before, so I'm a bit of a wimp. Labor was so scary to me, because I wasn't sure how I'd be able to handle the pain. It was fun to watch how "intense" they were on the monitor to see just how well I was handling it!

We had checked in around 11:00 and were probably all hooked up and rolling by 12:00...

Things are Really Rolling Now:

A little while later the pain became much more intense - Ryan had to hold my hand through it and we anxiously watched the monitor waiting for them to be done. So, I decided now was the time to ask for some relief - knowing it'd take a little time before I could actually get something (I wish I had times for all of this, but everything was seriously happening so fast that I don't even know at what time this happened - let's assume I asked for the epidural around 3:00ish??). Before long (maybe 20 minutes later) the anesthesiologist came in and it was time for the dreaded needle everyone talks about.

I had to sit on the edge of the bed with Ryan in front of me and my back to the doctor. I didn't even look at the needle thinking that it was probably for the best to not really know what was coming - you hear so many horror stories. There was one initial prick which was basically just numbing and a second after that, which actually placed the catheter. It wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected! After placing the catheter they gave a 'test' medicine which would determine if the tube was placed in the right spot. Typically the responses they're looking for that would potentially mean it was wrong are light headed-ness, funny bone reactions in your legs, etc. Within seconds I was super light headed and felt like at any moment I could pass out. Before I knew it I could feel some warm feeling going down my back. Apparently they had hit a blood vessel and needed to re-place the catheter. At this point my back was already still numb from the first prick and the contractions were getting worse (we had to wait for a contraction to pass before they would try again), so the second needle for the new catheter was no problem at all. Almost instantly I felt relief except for a little bit of a "pang" (is that a word?) of pain on the lower right hand side of my abdomen.

I let the nurse know about the minor pain and she said that it's normal to feel a little bit of pressure. Compared to the contractions this was nothing. We trucked right on through and I believe at some point during the epidural period Ryan went down and gave everyone a heads up that I had the epidural and things were rolling. When he came back up, he had a couple of gifts from some of our family. The thing that stands out most is "raw clyde". It was a dancing/singing stuffed cactus from my brother. I remember assuming this was a gift from him for his nephew, but he said he knew how nervous I was and it was actually a gift for me: to make me smile.

Here He Comes!

Shortly after the epidural was given and we had a little time to kind of sit around and wait I started to feel the sharp pain on my lower right hand side a little stronger (we'll say it was close to 5:00 now). With each contraction I could feel it more and I knew that it wasn't a good sign. Once or twice they hit the little button that gives the epidural a boost, but I insisted that it wasn't doing anything. Ryan called my nurse in and she checked me and called the anesthesiologist back in. When she was leaving she mentioned that she'd like to do it now to make sure I get relief before I'm 10 cm - because after that, there was no time for adjusting. I'm not exactly sure what he (the epidural man) did (I know he changed a cord of some sort) but it worked fairly quickly and the pain was subsiding. Almost minutes after he left my nurse came in and asked how I was feeling. I told her it felt much better and that I should be fine now - what pain I had felt, was pretty much gone. I could still feel the pressure of the contractions though and was very in tune with my body and when contractions were coming and going.

Around that time my doctor poked her head in and checked me again. We asked her for a update so Ryan could run down and let everyone know where we stood and she said "oh, she's 10 cm - we're ready to push". Needless to say, he didn't get a chance to let everyone know!

When she said "you're ready to push" I expected to have the bed transformed into a more typical OB GYN bed with the leg supports and butcher paper, but none of that happens. Ryan stood to the left of me, the nurse to the right and my doctor sat at the end of the bed. It was not at all what you'd expect after years of movie watching. The lights were dimmed (from earlier) and it was all very relaxing.

As my doctor sat down at the end of the bed she told me that it should be a quick delivery because he was RIGHT there (she asked if I'd like to see in a mirror and I graciously declined) and ready to go - this was all around 6:15 or so. When the next contraction hit they let me know to start pushing and I got some great words of encouragement telling me that everything was going great. I remember being told I was a pushing champion and most of the time they didn't even need to tell me to push. As I said, I felt very in tune with what was going on that without anyone telling me, I just felt like I knew when to push.

In between contractions it was like a bizarre experience. We all relaxed (well, I did - the nurse and doctor - and even Ryan -were so mellow the whole time) and held random conversation. One specific conversation was Ryan and my doctor talking about Batman (Ryan was wearing one of his many batman t-shirts and the doctor was saying her son was a huge fan). It was so strange, but reassuring and soothing (if that makes sense). I was afraid of tearing or need to be cut, so at one point I even asked how things were going in that area. My doctor said I was stretching perfecting and it didn't look like I'd need any stitches. If things hadn't been so relaxing, I would have been worried something would go wrong. It just gave me that feeling that everything was going just fine and any second I'd hear my little guy crying. Boy could I have been any more correct. After only about 30-35 minutes of pushing he was out and in my arms.

No matter how aware I was that I was pregnant and we were going to be having a child it was still such a strange and exciting moment to finally get to hold him in my arms. He was perfect and so adorable. I'm sure every parent thinks that their baby is the cutest thing ever, but I'm totally convinced he is the most precious.

After-Birth Stuff

I remember watching specifically when Ryan cut the cord, but I honestly have no idea what happened 'down there' after I had him in my arms. I did very little to deliver the placenta and the doctor/nurses did all my cleaning up and such. I was so wrapped up in taking in every second of those first few minutes with my precious baby boy that any thing else going on around me was not important.

I only vaguely remember getting my couple of stitches from his premature arm. I saw the needle and thread going and asked what was happening. My doctor informed me that he had his little hand up by his ear and that cause a small tear, but nothing serious.

After they took him away with Ryan shortly after for his weight and everything else, I got disconnected from all my monitors and then Ryan being the super proud dad he is/was made a bee-line for the waiting room with camera in hand to spread the word that Jude Michael was finally here! I on the other hand sat there hold my little baby boy. Ryan wasn't there and the nurses were tending to their post-delivery duties. I remember he was crying at one point and I felt so incapable of caring for him. What should I do? What does he need? Do these women think I'm already a terrible mother? I had taken class after class at the hospital, but felt more unprepared then ever for those first few moments.

Before he was born, I felt confident I could get him latched on and sucking all on my own, but sitting there in the delivery room, I asked for help. The nurse - a young and very friendly girl dropped what she was doing to come help. I can't remember the details of it, but I know he latched on and even though I didn't feel like a professional, things no longer seemed as intimidating.

As I said, Jude was crying those newborn tears at first, but not too long after, he was wide awake and alert, taking in everything going on around him. His deep blue eyes heavy from his big day were yearning to stay awake, not wanting to miss one second of this new world.

After getting everything settled in our delivery room, we were told it'd be a little while before we'd be escorted down to our room we'd be staying in, so Ryan started to usher people up to LND a few at a time to meet Jude. That of course happened so quickly and before we knew it we were in the recovery room and completely unaware of how to take care of such a small baby.

All I wanted to do after having Jude was hold him and look into his beautiful blue eyes. Having guests come up and hold him and coo at him was wonderful, but at the same time overwhelming. We had all had a long day, so it was a bit of a relief to hear that visiting hours were over and once we went to our room, Ryan and I could really have a chance to take it all in.

Stay tuned for "Hospital Adventures" and "The First Few Days at Home"...

*** this post was edited slightly 1/21/10.