Wedding Shower Wine Gift

Question: you said in a previous blog post about a wine gift a friend had given to you. this sounds like a fabulous idea! how was the gift set up (in a basket)? and what did the notes say...ex: drink this wine _____? i think it would be a great bridal shower gift or even a christmas gift. and with the holidays fast approaching, i need all the ideas i can gather!

Answer: Before my shower, Barbie kept telling me (joking, I'm not sure) that her present would be my favorite. I'll agree that it was right up there with the best of them. If anything one of her gifts was one that I look at EVERY day (it's a framed map with pins to mark places we've been - it has a cute plaque that says "the world travels or ryan and alicia kennedy") - I love it and it got placed above our fireplace. Another portion of her gift was a pail? (I'm not sure what you would call the container) that was decoupaged with pieces of paper that matched out wedding theme and pictures of Ryan and I. It was/is great. Currently the pail is in our pantry holding misc. items, but eventually we are putting shelves in our front living room and it will be displayed there. I love it! Obviously if you do this gift, you can use a basket, a box, whatever,

But anyway... the pail was full of bottles of wine wrapped in different colored tulle. Each color matched the 'theme' of the wine (i.e. black tulle and a 'boxed' wine for first fight). I have the poem around the house somewhere ( I think in my wedding memory box) - but for the sake of not running around the house I found something similar online... this may or may not be the same poem but it's pretty close:

Wedding Night (white ribbon)
The night you have dreamed of is finally here,
The future surrounds you with hope and yet fear.
You’ve been to the chapel and married your soulmate,
So sip this wine and toast this date.
The night is meant for you each to share,
Mary and John – a perfect pair.

First Dinner party (gold ribbon)
You’ll open your home for guests to eat,
A place for old friends to catch up and new ones to meet.
When the night is over two hosts share this wine,
Don’t sit down yet – pull up your sleeves – it’s clean up time.

First fight (black ribbon)
When fights occur and tempers are steaming hot,
Pour a glass, take a sip and be thankful for what you’ve got.
For in a marriage it would certainly be a bore,
If everyone agreed and said nothing more.

First Christmas Eve (red and green ribbon)
A wise man once said wine is better than beer,
Now is the season for friends and family to draw near.
Pop the cork for a toast when the night is through,
Kiss goodnight, close your eyes and Santa will be good to you.

First Anniversary (cream ribbon)
On your first anniversary you’ll wonder where the time goes,
No longer are you newlyweds, soon you’ll be pros.
The days have found you in good health and spirit,
Keep saying “I love you” – one always needs to hear it.
Now raise your glass to this date as the first, not the last,
And as you build your future don’t ever forget the past.

1st Baby (pink and blue ribbon)
The news that a baby will soon share your life,
Will make you a mother not only a wife.
You’ll see the child through good times and bad,
Mary the loving mother and John the dearest dad.
Now John must drink this one alone, Mary with an empty glass.
Sit back and relax nine months quickly pass!

I think it's a great shower gift! Or you could make up your own poem and do something for the holidays (new years, thanksgiving, next christmas, maybe a case of beer for the 4th of july, etc) and it could be good for a holiday/christmas gift.

The map I mentioned:

And the wine bucket...

And just a few more:

I will add that I was 100% truly shocked/surprised when I walked in the door. They played the whole thing off soooo well. I was convinced that I was going to go look at cameras with Barbie and then go to Meghan's for the shower. I was also convinced that Barbie didn't know that I 'knew' the shower was that day. It was awesome - I remember trying to play it off cool when the camera store was closed like "alright, well I know we need to stall - do whatever Barbie suggests". I honestly remember walking through the restaurant thinking 'why the hell are they sitting us all the way in the back???' and then thinking "whatever - just go with the flow - don't eat too much, there will be plenty of food at the shower...". So fun - such great friends.

Playdates and Alcohol

We have been known to get together with some friends here and there and have a few drinks on the weekends. There's always a responsible person who's staying sober (or only having a drink or two) in case Jude wakes up. Typically it's me and typically I will only sip on a beverage because I'd rather nurse him back to sleep than having to prepare a bottle. I personally think this is fine.

Obviously if the two of us were getting wasted at dinner and driving home with Jude in the backseat, or being so irresponsible that we have no idea what's going on, it'd be a different story.

I recently came across an article in my Parents (yes, I get that magazine. no, I did not order it myself. yes, I enjoy flipping through it) magazine about this very issues and it really got me wondering.

Basically in the article it discusses how more and more mothers are "raising a glass to parenting". It mentions how mothers are having a glass or two of wine and driving home from play dates with kids in tow. Likewise, parents are getting sloshed after their children go to bed, thinking that just because they're asleep, they're fine. Finally it added at the end that the safest route is to "get a babysitter - it's more fun for everyone".

All of this made me think. How much is too much? Is having a glass of wine (a beer, a margarita, whatever) OK if you know you'll be driving your son or daughter home? What about while you're out to dinner? Is it irresponsible for both parents to have a drink with dinner? What image does this pose to older children who are aware it's going on? Perhaps having a drink or two encourages responsible drinking as opposed to binge drinking? Doesn't getting a babysitter present the same problems as drinking after the child is asleep? I mean she'll eventually be going home...

Then there's the issue of drinking while pregnant or breastfeeding? Is one ok and not the other? I have lots of people who say to me "well, you can't drink because you're BFing right"? As if it gets in your milk and it never comes out. Personally I feel one drink is fine and I've done it a good handful of times. If Jude's out for the night and I know I won't be feeding him any more, I may put back a couple (and if he wakes up giving him a bottle). And then there's pregnancy - women used to drink all the time while they were pregnant - I believe it was more recently that they really started to advocate NOT drinking (or eating lunch meat, etc). I personally didn't drink during pregnancy (that's a lie - I had a little bit of Ryan's glass of wine while we were on vacation) - but I don't think I'd look down on someone who's having a few sips of beer, a glass of wine or a shot (kidding about the shot!) every now and then. In fact (and I say this now, but who knows what I'd actually do) I think I'd be more comfortable the second time around having a glass of wine with dinner.

It was just a really interesting topic that has this fine undetermined line somewhere. It's the line that you as a parent need to draw and hope you're right.

At the time this picture was taken, Ryan was drinking. You can already see how he's neglecting our son...

I'd love to hear what other people have to say on the topic...

Part 4: Back to Work Sex

Perhaps a Subtitle should be "Awkward, we-haven't-really-done-it-in-a-long-time Sex"

Just when I think things are going to get normal again. They don't.

I'll say that after my doctor's appointment I was still not convinced I was ready to go and at that time, Jude was sleeping with us a lot... making it that much more difficult. I put it off for awhile and before I knew it I was heading back to work. This created a whole new list of problems. The number one issue being: time! I honestly don't know how two working parents have the TIME to enjoy one another! I mean it sounds so cliche, but it's true! Especially in the beginning when you're falling into a routine.

I would come home from work, exhausted from waking up early, getting Jude ready/things ready for daycare (the first couple of days) and Katie (from there on out) and all I wanted to do was go to bed. But I couldn't! First, I wanted to catch up on my Jude cuddle time! I missed him so much, that all I wanted to do was spend time with him! I would come home disappointed if he was asleep because the second I walked in the door I just wanted to scoop him up into my arms!

Then after rushing through dinner, talking about our days and trying to catch up on any house work, I had to get ready for the next day. I had to prepare bottles, clean the previous day's bottles, get my pump bag ready and have everything set to minimize the work the next morning. SHWOO!

It's hard to say when exactly we first attempted sex after I had Jude, but I'm thinking it was somewhere in this time frame and as you can imagine, I wasn't whole heartedly into it. I was already exhausted, emotionally upset being away from Jude and just all in all, over whelmed. Within the first two weeks of being back at work, I made the decision that I just could not continue the way things were. I quit my job. I hoped that once I was done, things would (sexually) get back to where they should be, but also knew that with me working nights, we'd have even less time together.

I honestly think the first time you try having sex postpartum, you need to realize that it's not just hoping back on the same old train. For me anyway. In addition to you realizing it, you need to have this pep-talk with your husband so he knows what exactly you expect to get out of it.

If I had to narrow it down to a few words:
Dry. Awkward. Clinical. Unsatisfying.

You're trying to take it slow, find the right position and (again, for me...) not wince in pain. One strong word of advice: get some lube. Unlike some people who get the awkward sex over with quickly, this lasted for us, for quite some time.

I think that Ryan started to even blame himself, like I was totally not into him or something, which wasn't the case, at all. I wanted to, I was just... scared... terrified... not able to get things going. We were doing all the same things that worked before, but it just wasn't working.

I think in addition to just being nervous, I was distracted, tired and then there's breastfeeding.

If you think about the biology of it, if you're nursing a child that can't thrive on it's own yet, your body will not be actively working towards having another child. You're already giving up so many nutrients to one being, the first few months I can't imagine doing it for two! Thus - a loss in sex drive and the goods to make it enjoyable. I'm sure this isn't the case for everyone (I just talked to a girl the other day who will be having her second child LESS than a year after her first!), but it sure was for us.

In the end, my hope that after 3-4 months things would be just as they were before was quickly fading. I needed to stop setting goals and let nature take over. When I/we were ready, it would happen on it's own.

For my Bridal shower, Barbie gave us a pail of wine. It was a great gift! There was a great poem and instructions on when to drink each bottle. We were pretty good about drinking most of them at the appropriate time! The bottle pictured above was our honeymoon wine that we packed away and took to Costa Rica and enjoyed one night in our room. I'd say it could be a good idea to recreate (or create a new) romantic evening for two at some point postpartum.

Question: How do you find ways to have quality time with your husband on a regular basis? This is not just about sex, but just one on one time to enjoy each other? If you go out, what kinds of things to do you if you're on a budget?

Drinking

I think it's PRETTY safe to say that I have not REALLY drank in about a year. Not very long after we got married we started to try to get pregnant and so I feel like it was constantly in the back of my head that I need to be careful if it did happen. Last summer was probably the first in a series of summer that I remained on the sober side of things. Not to mention my drinking-partner-in-crime was pregnant, so what was the point??

I thought for sure that it'd be something I missed, but really I haven't. There were of course those days where I felt like the miserable old wench who was telling her husband he couldn't have fun, because I couldn't (or because I could deliver our child any minute). Or the days I really could just go for a frozen margarita. Or the days that I felt like the old lady at a young and hip party. But for the most part I was fine being in a party/drinking environment and being the sober one.

After having Jude I began breast feeding and as I'm sure most first time breast feeders are, I was worried about skipping sessions and just unsure how much alcohol really got into my milk (even after I was sober). I remember distinctly one small party we had at our house where I had like 1 drink and didn't feel comfortable feeding Jude so gave him a bottle of our frozen milk instead. After feeding him I was worried that my boobs would get too full or "off schedule" so mid-party I pumped about what he would have ate and just threw it down the drain. Since then I've relaxed a little and have realized that skipping one feeding here and there really won't do much of anything. However, I still like to keep myself pretty clean if I know that Jude will be eating soon. Specifically, if people are beginning to drink and I know he'll be hungry in the next 20-30 minutes I'll hold off until he's done.

In addition to the issue of feedings, I just am worried about getting drunk or tipsy, being up late and not feeling 100% the next morning when I'll have to take care of Jude. I know I could function, but I guess I just want to give him all of me, all the time. When really I'd probably go insane if I didn't take a night for myself every now and then.

Last night Ryan was in the mood for a beer and I wanted to drink a little something myself. I got one of my old favorites: cosmo mix and vodka. After feeding Jude what I knew/expected to be his last feeding of the night, I felt pretty comfortable putting a couple back.

I fully expected to be wasted after just one drink, but surprisingly it didn't kick in much at all! I had I think about 4 drinks - which probably balances out to 4 heavy shots. By the end of number 4 I was feeling pretty good. It was no where near the crazy times we've had in the past, but it was nice to let lose a little after so long.

Even thought I didn't feel too drunk that night when heading off to bed, wake up at 4am was a little rough. I had the most terrible vodka-taste in my mouth and the slightest hint of a headache. After a little nap though, I bounced back quite nicely.

Beer #2

Raspberry Wheat from Iron Hill!!!

Tonight, Ryan and I went for a nice outside dinner on Main Street. School was out, so we were back to just locals, so it was perfect timing.

We got a great table outside and the weather was perfect. There were a couple of beers they offered I was willing to try, but because I love raspberry, we went with that. It was fairly yummy and something I would really drink again!

I don't think I'll ever be a coors light type of beer drinker, but I'm totally into these flavored ones!!

4 more to go!!

Summer BBQ

This past weekend we held a BBQ at our house. I think after all the memorial day celebrations, me and Ryan were both a little anxious for a bash of our own. I had found out about mid-week last week that Ryan had already started inviting people over, so I threw together some food, etc. The gathering turned out to be such a nice cozy little get-together. I feel like everyone seemed to be having a great time! (pictures to be posted later - if I remember)

In addition as I posted earlier, I got to drink a little! I at one point felt a little bit of a buzz! Jude did great with his bottle and I even did a little mini pump-and-dump at one point.

Because I was able to drink, I also started to tackle one of my "101". I gave a beer an honest shot.

Beer #1: Berry Weis by Leinenkugel. I must say it was pretty good and after a few sips I was able to get past the beer-like after taste. I would realistically drink it again!

Later this week (or maybe tonight?) Ryan and I have already discussed going over to Iron Hill on Main Street and having a beer together at one of their outside tables. All the college kids are gone and so we'll be able to enjoy main street without a huge crowd. So, I'll be getting beer #2!