Part 4: Back to Work Sex

Perhaps a Subtitle should be "Awkward, we-haven't-really-done-it-in-a-long-time Sex"

Just when I think things are going to get normal again. They don't.

I'll say that after my doctor's appointment I was still not convinced I was ready to go and at that time, Jude was sleeping with us a lot... making it that much more difficult. I put it off for awhile and before I knew it I was heading back to work. This created a whole new list of problems. The number one issue being: time! I honestly don't know how two working parents have the TIME to enjoy one another! I mean it sounds so cliche, but it's true! Especially in the beginning when you're falling into a routine.

I would come home from work, exhausted from waking up early, getting Jude ready/things ready for daycare (the first couple of days) and Katie (from there on out) and all I wanted to do was go to bed. But I couldn't! First, I wanted to catch up on my Jude cuddle time! I missed him so much, that all I wanted to do was spend time with him! I would come home disappointed if he was asleep because the second I walked in the door I just wanted to scoop him up into my arms!

Then after rushing through dinner, talking about our days and trying to catch up on any house work, I had to get ready for the next day. I had to prepare bottles, clean the previous day's bottles, get my pump bag ready and have everything set to minimize the work the next morning. SHWOO!

It's hard to say when exactly we first attempted sex after I had Jude, but I'm thinking it was somewhere in this time frame and as you can imagine, I wasn't whole heartedly into it. I was already exhausted, emotionally upset being away from Jude and just all in all, over whelmed. Within the first two weeks of being back at work, I made the decision that I just could not continue the way things were. I quit my job. I hoped that once I was done, things would (sexually) get back to where they should be, but also knew that with me working nights, we'd have even less time together.

I honestly think the first time you try having sex postpartum, you need to realize that it's not just hoping back on the same old train. For me anyway. In addition to you realizing it, you need to have this pep-talk with your husband so he knows what exactly you expect to get out of it.

If I had to narrow it down to a few words:
Dry. Awkward. Clinical. Unsatisfying.

You're trying to take it slow, find the right position and (again, for me...) not wince in pain. One strong word of advice: get some lube. Unlike some people who get the awkward sex over with quickly, this lasted for us, for quite some time.

I think that Ryan started to even blame himself, like I was totally not into him or something, which wasn't the case, at all. I wanted to, I was just... scared... terrified... not able to get things going. We were doing all the same things that worked before, but it just wasn't working.

I think in addition to just being nervous, I was distracted, tired and then there's breastfeeding.

If you think about the biology of it, if you're nursing a child that can't thrive on it's own yet, your body will not be actively working towards having another child. You're already giving up so many nutrients to one being, the first few months I can't imagine doing it for two! Thus - a loss in sex drive and the goods to make it enjoyable. I'm sure this isn't the case for everyone (I just talked to a girl the other day who will be having her second child LESS than a year after her first!), but it sure was for us.

In the end, my hope that after 3-4 months things would be just as they were before was quickly fading. I needed to stop setting goals and let nature take over. When I/we were ready, it would happen on it's own.

For my Bridal shower, Barbie gave us a pail of wine. It was a great gift! There was a great poem and instructions on when to drink each bottle. We were pretty good about drinking most of them at the appropriate time! The bottle pictured above was our honeymoon wine that we packed away and took to Costa Rica and enjoyed one night in our room. I'd say it could be a good idea to recreate (or create a new) romantic evening for two at some point postpartum.

Question: How do you find ways to have quality time with your husband on a regular basis? This is not just about sex, but just one on one time to enjoy each other? If you go out, what kinds of things to do you if you're on a budget?