Question:
what is one thing you think you could do differently that would make you a better mother?

what is one thing you think Ryan could do to make himself a better father?

Answer:

Not to sound totally into myself, but the first of these questions is much more difficult. Only because being human, it's got to be easier to judge other people that it is yourself. So, I'm going to start with question #2: what could Ryan do to be a better father... and then move on to the first part.

Not telling him why I was asking, after reading the question, I asked him "what do you think you could do to be a better dad?". Immediately without thinking about it he said "you want me to get rid of the kegerator don't you?". I laughed. I'll say (before you think I have an alcoholic husband) he does not drink that much and considering how much we used to drink during the weekends... he barely touches it. If I had to pick something that I think Ryan could 'improve' on, it would be his TV consumption. A few weeks ago, we actually made a house 'rule' that we would minimize TV use until after Jude goes to bed. It's very easy for Ryan to get sucked into the box. So, he'll be laying on the floor playing with Jude or talking to me, or whatever... and only be 1/2 paying attention.

Instead, recently while cooking dinner or whatever it is that we're doing in our free time before Jude's 7:00 bed time, we'll have the radio on, or he'll be playing on the floor with his toys while we read. It's much more relaxing in my opinion. Of course, I'm sure that our 'house rule' isn't followed 100% while I'm at work... but whatever. So, as a father I think he could improve by blocking out some of his distractions and give Jude undivided attention.

Now on to me... hmmm...

I'm not sure if this is a cop-out answer, but I think I need to "let go" a little more. Aside from my two months or so back to work, I honestly can count on my hands how many times we've left Jude with a babysitter in the last 7 months (YES! HE'S SEVEN MONTHS! CRAZY! More to come on that). He is pretty much ALWAYS with me or Ryan. Period. I know it doesn't sound like a bad thing, but I know eventually (if not a little already??) one can get 'burnt out on baby'.

In addition to just not wanting to be away from him, there are a number of reasons I just don't leave him.

1. breastfeeding. This is without a doubt my number one reason when considering whether I'll leave him. I really try to avoid pumping and kinda freak myself out about missing feedings, so if I'm not working, I really don't want to skip feedings. I work my time out of the house around his feedings, thus making mommy time brief or late at night. When Ryan and I are presented with day trips or other generally baby-free events, I try to find a way to work Jude into it, because I don't want to be faced with the "to pump or not to pump" decision.

2. I really feel like I'm inconveniencing people. I hate to call people up and have them come over to watch him. Especially since Ryan and I aren't the best of 'planners' and our decision to want to hit a movie or go to an event or grab dinner or a drink are pretty last minute. So, instead of a little one on one time, we just bring the little guy along. This makes romantic dinners a little less romantic and movie far and few, but really I'm kind of OK with that.

3. and probably the most terrible reason... there are only a handful of people I trust... not because I don't want them alone with my baby, but because I want them to do things MY way. There are some people who I know will listen to my requests and try to do things the way I'd like. However, there are others who I think (or know, from experience) would basically ignore what I tell them and make their own assumptions about what is right for Jude. Considering for the most part I have a pretty clear plan for what I do or do not want Jude exposed to, leaving him with someone who will ignore my requests is very frustrating to me.

In addition, I think I could be a little better about solids with Jude. When we first started him on solids, I was very excited to experiment with foods. Even to this day, he's just not really into them. They are presented to him, he plays with them, I feed him a little and he just doesn't indulge, I'm lucky if he takes a bite or two or anything. As a result, I almost see it as a waste and go a few days at a time without even giving him any.

I'm sure there are a million other things that I could improve upon, but I'd say these are two things that I personally consider some of my biggest 'issues'.

Question: to the other mothers: what things do you think you could improve upon?