155...

...is the number of ounces of breast milk I have stored in my freezer.

There was a point when I could without a doubt easily get 10 ounces in the morning while pumping. Somehow my body got on a routine where at about 5am I would wake up with a full boob that wanted to be expressed. At this time, Jude was sleeping beyond 5am, so he wasn't going to be doing the work. Instead, I would bust out with my pump and thus was the beginning of my freezer stash. I remember I used to think my 2-3 ounce "breast-sickles" I originally got were so tiny compared to the big old honkers I was pumping out every morning.

When I went back to work I knew I would not be pumping at 5am and so I slowly worked this pump out of my breast feeding schedule. I would make my body wait a little longer each day and was just sure that I fed him on that side first. While I didn't mind pumping, I just didn't want to do it in the morning and also while at work. So from that point forward, my pumping was simply to maintain my freezer stash.

Once I got into a routine at work, I began to dread pumping. I did it every day twice a day, no matter what (and for a little while that was in addition to going to see Jude at lunch time and feeding him then) but knowing that I would be leaving work and staying home was always the silver lining on my pumping cloud that really kept me going. I looked forward to feeding on demand and not cleaning bottles every night.

Around the time I was working full-time I remember counting the number of ounces I had frozen and it was somewhere well over the 200 mark. I really have no idea how much other women have frozen, and I'm sure it ranges from person to person, but I was happy with that amount. That worked out to more than 40 bottles (probably closer to 50+ because his bottles were only 4 ounces) so I was content. Had I kept the 5am pump going, I can only imagine what I would have had!

Through my time there I had my on and off pumping days. Some times I would get so much I was able to ADD to the stash, other time I wasn't getting enough and had to take away, while most days I got just enough. I probably should have been pumping three times a day to always get enough, but just didn't feel like it. Once I was home, I pretty much could care less about what was frozen - he was getting what he needed, when he needed it. Until recently the amount of frozen milk was not a big deal for me.

My current routine (for the sake of not having any milk go bad, as it can only be frozen SO long) is to have Ryan feed Jude the oldest milk in the freezer while I continue to pump each night and replace it.

Typically I try to time Jude's last feeding before I go to work to happen RIGHT before I leave. You're not supposed to have a breastfed baby on a schedule so this is often hard to do. Sometimes it requires him to eat when he's probably not really hungry (thus not really filling himself up) and other times it requires me to entertain him for 20 minutes or so to keep him from fussing for food. For the most part, this typically works. When it does, it's perfect because then he will only need one more feeding before he goes to bed. However, when it doesn't it can lead to more than one feeding.

Every night I work, I come home and pump to make up for missed feedings. I try to avoid pumping at work because I just can't imagine myself being very comfortable doing it at Lowes - it's nothing like the office setting I was used to and so I found myself going out to my car. My shifts are usually only 4-5 hours long, so if I feed him right before I leave it's not really messing me up too much. I can typically get more than enough to replace one feeding, but getting 2 is pretty rough.

Why am i telling you this? Because of the number above. 155.

After pumping tonight I decided to count what I had in the freezer and it's only 155 ounces. This is still a significant amount - I mean if I just stopped pumping after work I would have enough milk for one bottle for the next month - he'd be at least six months old before needing some sort of supplement. I'm still typically replacing what is taken each night - but obviously there's a lag somewhere/sometimes.

Between what I didn't replace while at work, people over feeding Jude when I'm not around, a busted milk bag and those nights he just needs to eat twice, things are decreasing (I'm not naming any names...). Considering Jude is already 5 months old and still only ever fed breastmilk, I would be bummed if I needed to start supplementing with formula now. I'm not against it at all... but now it's like "oh I can do this!". It's almost like a mission for me to go with out formula all together - a challenge if you will. Lame - I know.

All of this makes me realize that I am even more eager than before to start Jude on some form of solids. After the first couple of days where we'll probably feed him earlier in the day to watch for allergic reactions, he will probably be getting his solids in the evening and so this will maybe cut back on how much breastmilk he is consuming while I'm not around. He and Ryan can have their little man bonding time over rice cereal and pureed veggies. It'll be sweet - and a slight relief for my lovely ladies.