Where has the time gone?

I often wonder at what point your baby becomes your toddler... when does you toddler become a child? a teenager? an adult? Is it those milestone birthdays?

For someone you don't see every day, these transformations happen in segments. You see the infant grow into an adult in pieces at thanksgivings, Christmases and Birthdays. Then, before you know it, you're marveling over how quickly the time has gone. I'm currently doing this with my younger siblings. One is about 10 years younger and the other 15 years younger. I see them every now and then and always catch myself wondering when the little kid who used to tag along behind us turned into this rebellious teenager. I remember at the rehearsal dinner for my wedding, my brother Scott was standing next to me. For some reason I looked down and realized he was not standing on the curb next to us. He was in fact standing on the same level ground I was. However, somehow in a matter of a couple of months he had grown a whole head taller than me.








It then makes me wonder about my own child. At what point will he come running into my room in the morning without the soft round features of a child? Or even worse, at what point will he just not run into my room in the morning? When will those hugs. Those deep, amazing, loving hugs disappear? When will he start to be embarrassed at the thought of HUGGING HIS MOTHER IN PUBLIC? At what point will he not want to nap on me? But instead will prefer the solitude of his bedroom. Perhaps even locking the door behind him so that I can't creep in just to watch him peacefully sleep? When will the nursery become his bedroom - and eventually be plastered with posters and other relics of his interests?

Already, it feels like he's been part of our family forever... while other times it seems like just yesterday he was born.







At what point in his life will it come time to pack up all of his toys and eventually turn his bedroom into just another guest room... in what will be an over sized home for just Ryan and I?




What about making him laugh? Everything I do makes him laugh... he laughs just because I laugh. He laughs at the dog running down the steps. But even I know that eventually... I won't be funny to him.






Every day I look forward to discovering new pieces of Jude's personality - his attitude, his taste, his cuddly-ness. I look forward to seeing the types of friends HE choses for himself, instead of the ones that we chose for him. But, it's times when I sit here and wonder about his future that I try to hold on to who he is today too. It's times like today that I want to hold him instead of holding his hand while he tries to wabble around. That instead of going for a run, I sit on the couch and let him nap in my arms. That I don't regret the decision to let him sleep with us in bed - and that I'm grateful for the times that he lets me carry him. It's times like today that I put the camera away and instead of making a memory through film, I'm making a real memory.






The past couple of weeks I have been filling every waking hour with preparations for Jude's first birthday. Finishing touches on the house, landscaping the front yard and deciding on details for the party. But I think about it and wonder if I'm just filling this time to avoid the truth. My son is turning one. The first year of his life is quickly coming to a close. This first year, he has probably learned and experienced more for the first time than he will for the rest of his many years to come. He has more than doubled in weight, acquired a variety of motor skills, is beginning to communicate and recognizes those people who chose to make themselves a significant part in his life. While his future holds an endless amount of possibility, I'm pretty sure this first year is the most significant part of his future. I'm so thankful that I've had the opportunity to spend this time with him.







But even though I'm nervous about the future... about growing beyond this period of infancy, I'm excited. I'm excited to see the person he becomes and the interests that he has. I look forward to teaching him more and watching him grow.






And yes, I'm even looking forward to his teen years. The years where I'm sure I'll want to pull my hair out and scream. I look forward to reading back over these blog entries and thinking about all of the things that he's done. How our family has matured and become complete with him.






As I say every month, I wish I could just bottle up a little bit of this 11-12 month old Jude. The Jude who just the other day was peacefully sipping away from a cup on the floor - and then I walked in the door. He threw the cup and if one can 'run' while they crawl, he ran, to me.





This Jude who is learning what things are and how they work. He loves using 'real' things. By real things, I mean things that grown ups use. He'll get his own screw driver while Ryan's working and mimic him. He'll grab his own wash cloth and dust like mommy. He'll try to figure out how to hook the hose back up to pop-pop's nail gun - because he knows it won't work without it.




Our outside time is teaching him new things too. He helps me pull weeds, he throws rocks and he eats strawberries (that aren't quite ripe) right off the bushes.




At one year, he has eaten at least 1 pound of dirty, but when tempted with a cupcake at his 1st birthday photos, he didn't want anything to do with it.

He still sucks his thumb, he still nurses and he still fondles my breasts as a source of security. He goes to sleep easily at night, but some how he know JUST when we're going to bed, because he begins to stir in his room to indicate that he wants to be in bed with us.

He says "what's that?" points and says "that" when he wants something and is just all together amazing. I look forward to the next year and can not wait to see what that brings for us.

But for now? I have a birthday cake to decorate :)

Side note: I'll be posting Jude's 12 month toy box picture later.

It shouldn't be this hard...

For a project we're working on around the house (more on that later), I got a little over a dozen frames to hang.

At the time I specifically wanted picture of Jude. Not just him alone, but him with friends, family, etc. Now, I'm opening that up to pictures of our family in general (hey, my mind can change again). This has by far been the hardest part of this project!

There are so many pictures I love!

I told myself I should try to pick pictures that maybe people haven't seen yet. Some that didn't make it to the blog, etc. But I'm pretty sure there will be plenty of repeats.

Laura's Wedding

When I was asked to photograph Laura's wedding, I quickly accepted. I pretty much thought it was the perfect opportunity to cross something off my 101 list and since part of me kinda hopes to be able to do something like this, I figured it was a nice way to see if I would be any good at it.

I didn't really think too much about it for quite some time. Then I got my new camera and I wasn't really thinking about the wedding as much as I was about learning different functions and stuff.

Then about a day or two before the wedding I started thinking about it and got a little nervous... I mean these were her WEDDING pictures. I didn't think she had quite the expectations I had... but still, this is the one thing you have left when it's all over. All the time, money, energy and thought put into your wedding and all you have left are the pictures.

Then not only was I concerned about the actual images not being good, but that some fluke technology mishap would occur and I'd lose all the images. I remember when I used to work at Genuardi's, some lady came in and as I do with all customers, I asked "Hi, How are you?" and she had some response about it being the worst day of her life or something... I didn't really press (how is one supposed to respond to that???) but she continued and said that she photographed a good friends wedding and there was a problem when she went to process the photos and she lost them all. HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU LOST ALL OF THEIR WEDDING IMAGES???

But anyway.

The night before the wedding I got everything together. I took both of my Nikons, my old-school film camera and my collection of lenses. I don't really have a camera bag big enough for all that, so I put it in one of my large purse style bags and took it from there. I realized through the day though that I was sticking mostly with my new camera. It had the most versatile lens and was rigged up with my external flash.

Laura was having her hair done early that day, so I told her I'd meet her at the hotel early to get some pictures of her getting her hair done and that gave me the chance to take my time getting pictures of some her the "details"





I thought that I'd get to the hotel hang out a little and then head home. But either way, I came dressed for the wedding. I'm actually glad I got ready, because I never made it home that day.

Before I knew it, the girls were getting their dresses on, I was meeting the guys to get some pictures of the groom with his groomsmen and then rushing back upstairs to get some shots of Laura getting ready.

This was taken when I still had a little light to work with in the lobby... not too bad. Perhaps the worst part is that the elevator shafts are exposed...

Then of course we were getting the notice that it was time for them to head to the lobby for the ceremony. The bridesmaids all went downstairs first and then, once the groom was in the chapel room, Laura was allowed to go down.

The BM's and mothers

not exactly the best light, but it had potential.

The night of the rehearsal my mom pointed out the glass elevator and said she thought it'd be perfect for some photos... I agreed.

I found the ceremony to be both easy and difficult to photograph. On one hand, it was great, because everyone stood in roughly the same spot allowing me to get a lot of shots at different angles, etc. But then at what point are you just annoying moving around while people are trying to focus...

Then of course, you can't just stop them mid-ceremony to repeat something - you take it as it's happening. Period.

For example... if you miss the first kiss, the exchanging of rings, the grooms look as the bride is walking down the aisle... etc. There's no getting those moments back.

I love this picture of them going in for the kiss.
When looking at other photogrpaher's work, I always like those natural moments... I tried to capture some... this one wasn't one of my favorite, but there were some during the 'special dances' that I really liked.
Another challenge was the space. The room was nice, but you're stuck with trying to avoid Exit signs, doors, etc.

The new Mr. and Mrs.

I took advantage of the elevator again as they were heading to their room.

Cocktail hour was another challenge. I had to get all of the formal pictures done during this time, but also needed to capture a few moments from the cocktail hours. On top of this, the fountain Laura wanted her formal pictures in from of was in the lobby with the cocktail hour. So, we were losing the wedding party in the crowd. Every picture I had to run off and find everyone. Finally, another issue was the lighting. During the afternoon, the light in the lobby was perfect. The ceiling of the building is mostly glass, letting in a lot of natural light. In the evening, you don't have the natural light, so I was trying to use just my flash for the photos and so some were white washed, others were too dark... and then people were blinking... I just feel like I could have done much better with a better flash/lighting situation...

One of my favorite ones in front of the fountain... Phillip and his Army guys...

... here are a few from cocktail hour....

This is Ryan's "father of the year" pose.

Some of Phillip's friends... I liked this picture.

I have much better ones from the cocktail hour... but this is Ryan and Bryan with their "I can't believe we're wearing the same suit" look.

After cocktail was dinner. They did their introductions of the wedding party, did the first dance and then after dinner they did the father/daughter dances, etc.

My niece Olivia

First Dance... they were much more serious than Ryan and I.

Another one I really like...

The actual reception was great. People danced and just in general everyone seemed to have such a good time. I had asked Laura what type of pictures were really important to her and she said she really wanted one of her and our grandfather... I got a few of those. In addition she wanted pictures of people dancing: check. After I felt like I had covered everything and all of the special events were over and people were getting tipsy, I made the decision to put the camera away (after all, most people only get their photographer for a small portion of the wedding before they leave...). However, I kept pulling it out through the night to get shots of different moments.

Here's one picture in "natural"

Here's one in "more vivid" - this one def. has a sharper feel... IMO.

Bryan and Katy adopted Ryan for the part of the night since he didn't have me... and of course Jude had his share of mommom and poppop time...

The best man's speech was cute. Apparently Phillip did some interesting things with his Army friends.

I just love flower girls...

All in all it was a great time. I feel like I did a fairly good job - but of course I'm no professional.

I really feel like I need to work on flash photography and how to get the best angle, etc. in such a dark setting. I've actually been doing some research to find ways to avoid pictures being too dark or too light. There are so many factors such as flash distance, angle, diffusing, aperture, shutter speed, etc. that according to everything I read it's all about practice, practice, practice.

Then of course there's post production. I don't have a photo processing system and so the raw images are what I have... unlike some more pricey companies, I don't have the benefit of photo shop to make my pictures better - but I'm fine with that.